The Curse Of The Stolen Cup

To my many Canadian friends, whom I greatly value, I have bad news.  You all are cursed. Of course, you already knew this, after all you have Justin “Fidel Castro Jr.” Trudeau as your PM/Tyrannical Dictator.

But what you probably don’t know is: Why? What grievous sin has your country committed to warrant such a harsh punishment from Fate? Well, I can pinpoint the exact moment when the curse befell you. Better still, assuming you are willing to do what is needed, I can tell you how to break it and free your country from its malaise.

For the event that caused this we go back to June 3, 1993 in Montreal. It is Game 2 of the Stanley Cup Finals between the Los Angeles Kings and the Montreal Canadiens. The Kings have already taken Game 1 of the series in impressive fashion and are leading 2-1 late in Game 2. A Kings win and they return how to the Forum in Inglewood, California with a 2-0 and are likely headed for the franchise’s first championship in its 26-year history.

But suddenly, the Canadiens call for a measurement of Marty McSorely’s stick and it is deemed illegal. The measurement is so close that the refs had to closely examine it before making the determination. A penalty is called and the Canadiens tie the game on the power play and win the game in overtime. Momentum swings to the Canadiens and they win the next three games and the Cup.

Clearly, the challenged stick had turned the tide of the series. But how did the Canadiens know the stick was illegal. They would claim one of their players noticed it, but given how close the measurement was, it is unlikely that a player at game speed would have been able to notice it.

Although the team denies it to this day, it seems a Canadiens’ staffer got into the Kings’ locker room the night before and examined their equipment. This person marked the stick so that when, and if, needed the challenge could be made. But the question is: Did he find the stick in that condition or was that stick altered by said employee? 

If they were dishonorable enough to violate the trust of the visiting team leaving their equipment in the arena overnight by breaking into a locked room, is it that much of a stretch to assume they would tinker with said equipment?

Either way, the actions of the Canadiens were dishonorable and the Cup was clearly stolen from the better team. Which is why no team representing Canada has won the Cup since June of 1993. While the Kings have gone on to win the Cup twice since then, the unpunished crime has taken its vengeance on those who committed the foul deed.

And this will continue to happen, no matter how good your seven teams may be in the future, you will continue to fall short, just as Edmonton did last night when they were swept by the Colorado Avalanche to knock out the final Canadian team from this year’s playoffs. Twenty-nine seasons have come and gone. And 29 times a U.S. team has hoisted the Cup at the end of each of those seasons.

And the curse is leaking off the ice and spreading across your country, as evidenced by the malevolent junior-grade Emperor Palpatine who leads your country today.

There is only one way to break this curse, only one hope to save your beautiful country:

You must etch off the names of the foul villains of 1993 who adorne the Cup in the space where the 1993 champions are listed. Erase them from memory as the Egyptians once did to those Pharaohs who had cursed their land. Replace those names with the names of their victims, the players and coaches of the true champions of 1993, the Los Angeles Kings. 

Do this, and regain your honor. Do this and you will see your teams once again hoisting the Cup on home ice over a Canada that has returned to its former position of honor  and with the proper kind of leader the people of Canada need and deserve.

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